The traps of friendship relationships


Some of the most painful disappointments a person may feel is when they are betrayed by friends or family. We trust those close to us, we include them in our souls and our daily activities, we make plans with them, we share our feelings and thoughts with each other.

We like to socialize, to belong to a group, to have someone to have fun with or to spend our free time and many times we put others first, we try to meet their needs and desires.

And there comes a moment when maybe you face difficult times or you need someone’s support and you naturally turn to those closest to you… and they turn their back on you, justifying their gesture by finding more or less plausible excuses.

Or maybe, even if you are sure about the friendship between you, you find that your "best friend" is talking bad about you, is discrediting you in front of others, is envying you, or is trying to put obstacles in your way.

Another scenario is when you realize that your "friend", by the advice they give you, they have a very different interest than your wellbeing.

There are also moments when your friend changes their situation in their life (either financially, socially, professionally, or concerning their status relationship) and they slowly forget about you or they change their attitude towards you. You used to be useful before but now they have other things more interesting to cling to.

And then it hurts, you feel like your entire world is falling apart and you don’t know anymore who to trust or not. You’ve been hurt by the person most dearest to you, the person with whom you were so opened and you didn’t expect from them to hurt you.

But unfortunately this is how we are built and all the scenarios above are somehow normal in people’s daily interaction.

Although is hard for us to accept, humans are very selfish (and not in an "ecological" way as I advice you to be); they have their own insecurities; they have inferiority or superiority complexes and therefore they envy, gossip, compete or want to dominate others; they have conscious or unconscious mental wounds and they express their pain by harming others or wanting them to suffer; they need attention and affection from others and they are jealous when someone else receives more than them and so on.

In such conditions there can hardly be a sincere, profound and lasting friendship between people (of course there are exceptions). Friendship is an extremely fragile and perishable thing, especially among people who don’t have a high level of self-consciousness and integrity.

It’s nice to have friends, to have a group to relate to, but it would be much easier if you understood that you can expect anything from anyone, anytime.

Enjoy the present moment in your relationships, share your life with the people you resonate with today, but so as in couple relationships, accept that nothing is forever... and it’s normal to be so, because that's how we, humans, are built - it's just human nature. Expect anything in the circumstances when you don’t expect nothing.

No matter how painful this sounds to you right now, the only person you can trust and that you can unconditionally rely on is yourself. All others have their own lives and their own agenda, so the wisest thing you can do is to become a whole, an autonomous and independent being who enjoys interacting with others but without leaving their life or happiness in other people’s hands.

Be wise!

Dr. Ursula Sandner


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