Many times we are faced with uncertainty, lack of trust, fear; we oscillate between our comfort zone and the unknown, we wonder what decisions to make and whether those decisions really are the best for us.
Doubt and lack of confidence make us keep going around in circles, maybe we take a step forward and two steps back, but we don’t break the barriers and we don’t get out of the circle.
If we want to make a change, no matter what that change is, it’s very possible that all these feelings and doubts mentioned above to arise, trying to restrain us, to make us "think a little more", to postpone making a decision or implementing it.
Life itself is not linear, but with both ups and downs, and change is inevitable, whether we want it or not. What often happens, if we aren’t the ones initiating the change, is that that change will somehow take us by surprise.
For example, let's imagine that we are in a difficult moment in our couple relationship, we notice that the same problems and conflicts keep reappearing or that old unhealed wounds from the past are reactivated. But we are afraid to face them, we think they will go away on their own, we don’t actually try to solve them, but we continue in the same way as before - we blame each other, we criticize each other, we try to manipulate or emotionally blackmail our partner in order to turn the situation in our favor, without overcoming these dysfunctional patterns. Over time, the emotional distance between us begins to increase, but we also ignore this thing because we are too tired, busy or preoccupied with the tasks of everyday life - bills, children, work etc. At some point the breakup suddenly occurs, be it caused by infidelity or being just a separation, in any case, a major change occurs. The inevitable happened because at the right time we didn’t make those changes that we knew or felt were necessary.
This is just an example, but what I want to emphasize here is that things don’t happen to us out of the blue, but we are the ones who consciously or unconsciously make them happen. But if we begin to become aware of ourselves, of our beliefs, how they influence us, of our feelings, our fears, if we begin to take responsibility for our own life and our own condition, we will, in fact, be the ones who will decide the right time for making a change and the course of that change.
Things no longer "happen" to us, we are no longer like passive spectators of our own life, but we are the ones who make things happen. And even if we can't control certain external circumstances, we realize that we can control our attitude, our reactions, the way we act in those circumstances.
And in order to make what we want happen, we need to shift our focus from "fear" to "confidence." To observe our fear, but to act in spite of it. To not get stuck there, because fear is what actually creates obstacles for us and make us doubt. If we act in spite of our fear, we break the circle. We free ourselves from fear by making the decision not to give in to it and by taking action.
The first step is harder, but then, step by step, the path becomes clearer and clearer in front of us. Within us there are already all the resources we need to make those changes we want, to fulfill our goals and dreams and to live beautifully. Yes, even in these turbulent times.
We don't have to wait for any external miracle or for a "right time" to act. We don't have to wait for that day to come when we will finally be happy. Personal satisfaction and personal well-being don’t depend so much on external factors, but on the way we relate to ourselves and the world, on the respect and love we give ourselves, on the way we think, our attitude, on what we are doing at the moment with what we already have.
This year has been a year that challenged each of us and I wish we could learn something from it. As I have said countless times, it’s not so much the external circumstances that matter as our attitude towards those circumstances. We are not victims, no matter what problems we face and precisely because we are not victims, we have the power to change something.
There is a great strength within us and the present moment is the only thing that matters. Our future will be as we create it now, moment by moment. No matter what happens in the world, outside of us, let's not forget that the outside is just a point in the equation of our life. That's not what defines us. We define ourselves.
Let's make decisions carefully and understand that we are 100% responsible for those decisions and their consequences, as we are responsible for our physical, mental, emotional health, our well-being - no matter what expectations or claims those around us have of us, no matter what we are told that we “must” do, let’s filter everything through our own thinking and not allow others to influence us, because we are the ones who will bear the consequences of those decisions.
If we allow others to influence or to pressure us, we must also take responsibility for this, because, ultimately, we have chosen to allow them to influence our decisions. We are not obliged to do anything we don’t want just to please others or "join the trend", but we must remain, first and foremost, loyal to ourselves - to respect our own inner truth.
Let's step into the new year with confidence instead of fear - maybe it's the best time to do this and exercise our inner strength. Let’s have the courage to make step by step the changes we want and to wisely choose our attitude towards the ever-changing external circumstances.
I believe in you and support you in this sometimes difficult but miraculous journey of freeing yourselves from your own fears and grounding in your own inner strength.
I wish you wise choices and inspired decisions, self-confidence, courage and fulfillment!
Happy New Year, 2021!
Dr. Ursula Sandner