Couple power games – part 1

Confident-Alpha-Personality-Type"A real man wants two things:  danger and play. That's why he wants woman as the most dangerous plaything." F. Nietzsche

In any couple relationship there is a power struggle that is constantly held between the two protagonists. Who dominates, who leads, around whom (him or her) the relationship centers. Whether the people are aware of these power games, whether they act unconsciously, these games exist in any relationship, especially in couple relationships. When we talk about domination techniques and methods, usually women use mainly emotional blackmail, tears and manipulation, and in some situations hysteria crisis or anger, and men manifest their desire to dominate through verbal or even physical aggression.

At the couples around us we can meet some types of relationships between the partners, depending on the temperament and personality of the two. Today's article talks about the couple relationships which "alpha" men have.

We talk about "alpha" men, those men whose only goal is to dominate the woman and make her obey them. They manifest this need for domination and to be considered superior in all areas of their life - both at a personal and a professional level. Typically, it’s about men who also have social power, who invest a lot in their professional and economic status, who have key positions and jobs, and never settle for second place. There are also men who want to be seen as alpha, but because they don’t really have the determination, the ambition or the intelligence needed to get where they want, they compensate with their attitude (they become "macho man" or "bad boys"), they go to the gym frequently to have an enviable muscle mass and they invest all their income in status and role symbols copied from the real "alpha men"- cars, watches, clothes etc.

What kind of couple relationships do alpha males have or those who want to look alpha?

The type of woman these men are looking for is the "trophy" woman - beautiful, desired by other men and hard to get. As they are proud of their professional or material achievements, they also want to brag with their woman. Often, they make a considerable amount of effort to win a woman, they give her a lot of attention and gifts and they do anything to "get their hand on the hunt." It's about prolonging their masculine pride, so they just do everything to make sure that woman will be theirs.

But what happens after they win her heart? Generally, the main tendency is to transform her into a woman who depends on him. Such a man will tend to diminish the woman’s self-esteem, just to be able to dominate her, and using the pretext “it’s my duty to protect you” he will limit her freedom, he will keep her at home, he will forbid her more and more things (to work, to be independent, to meet with her friends etc.) and thus he will become the only person who pays her attention and gives her anything else she needs.

When, through conscious and repeated actions, you diminish a person's confidence and limit his freedom, and then you are the only one who gives him from time to time a bit of attention or affection, that person becomes dependent on you, he will submit to you to get into your good graces so you can continue to give him what he needs, even if it’s very little - basically you turn him into a slave.

If he succeeds in completely dominating the woman and making her dependent on him (and he can do that only if she doesn’t have a strong enough personality) he will soon lose his interest and especially his respect for that woman. Depending on his personality structure he will behave in different ways. Either he will ignore or neglect her, either he will act more and more aggressively and with lack of consideration, so she will become more unhappy and depressed, but she will continue that relationship because she will feel powerless to fight, to get out of that relationship. Her life is in his hands, and if in the meantime they have children, the fate of this woman will actually become a more or less golden prison. And at some point, he will look for another victim to play the same pathological game or simply he will live his life as he wants, believing that he is allowed to do anything and that he deserves everything, in an unethical and unjust manner.

There is also a second scenario where an alpha man meets an alpha woman, that is a woman who also have a strong personality, she is independent and confident. Depending on how confident is the man, if he really is an "alpha" man, he will either give up after a few attempts to win such a woman, because he is afraid his ego will be hurt, or the hunting and the trophy it will seem to him more interesting. Either way, his goal is to dominate that woman, to make her submit to him and to make her be his. Sometimes the power struggle between an alpha woman and an alpha man leads to a passionate relationship: psychological games, effervescent sexuality, scandals and real dramas or "soap operas." Neither she, nor him won’t give in, and that makes both of them invest a lot of energy in this relationship, and they both become dependent on each other. Such a relationship consumes the human being from all points of view and becomes the focal point of the two protagonists’ life, because nothing else can give them such an intense and dangerous stimulation. If they don’t get to psychically destroy each other and thus get exhausted and take the decision to break up, after a while one of the two gives up, usually the woman, and then it begins the scenario mentioned above. If the man surrenders (although if he is truly an alpha man he will never do that), the woman will completely lose interest in him, she will feel disappointed, and she will use him to meet her interests and goals, while seeking her stimulation elsewhere, or she will simply break up with him.

There is also a third option regarding the relationship between a true strong man and a strong woman: the two of them are smart enough to join their forces, they become a team where each of them respects and admires the other one and they build a wonderful life together. Each has a career, is independent or the two create a business together, and these are the couples who have a great social and material status and are envied because they invest their energy in creating, in great objectives and goals. These people truly become a team, life partners, they inspire one another and learn to use power games in a constructive and ecological manner and not a destructive and toxic one.

"For every woman to be successful, she has to do two things first: to prepare for a profession and to marry a man who wants just as much to succeed." C. Douglas

When you know that you have a partner that you can rely on, you can fly as high as you want and make it all the way, knowing that the one next to you will always be there for you. For a strong woman to be happy and fulfilled, she has to respect, cherish and especially admire the man beside her, he has to be for her a source of inspiration and power. For a really strong man to be happy and fulfilled in his relationship, the woman next to him has to know to be a woman and at the same time to be independent and eager to evolve in all aspects of her life. The two support each other for each to become everything they can be and even exceed their potential. In such a relationship, the whole is indeed much more than the sum of the parts.

Dr. Ursula Sandner

P.S.: The second part of this article you can find it here.


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